Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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