i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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