I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
