It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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