did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
