Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
