the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
