My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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