im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
