And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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