4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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