hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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