Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize