that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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