Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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