I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
