You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize