Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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