he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
