fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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