Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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