i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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