Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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