help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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