Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
