So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
