my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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