Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
