I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
