I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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