While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
