one might say we're banned from that church
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
