I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
