I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
