How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
