So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
