the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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