and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
