Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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