It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
