please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
