Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize