my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
