i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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