she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
