I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
