"it" just moved
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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