She's JV to your varsity
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
