...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
