So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
