Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize