and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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