You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
