I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I just shit out all my problems.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
