well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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