Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
