Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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