just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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