a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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