brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
