Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
