My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
