I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
