Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
