Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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