I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
