i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
