I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i believe in u and ur pee
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
