i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
