She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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