so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
