I feel like abortions should bother me more
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
