the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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