I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
