You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
