put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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