I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
