just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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