Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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