I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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