google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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