I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
