He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
