Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize