He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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